A dark night..

This place which once seemed like a happy place to be,
A place where I once used to sit with my friends,
watch the water flowing,
the green grass dancing at the rhythm of the wind,
The wonderful views of birds sometimes flying very close to the flowing water,
watching their shadows in the water as they fly,
where I once used to feel good when a nearby train passes by...
The place where I had enjoyed beautiful sunsets and conversations
and admired the paintings of nature on the canvas of the sky..

This place, once a wonderful place, now seems like just a place.
A place I now use,
to escape,
to find some loneliness,
Praying that the loneliness brings with it some peace.
Peace to something that is a silent destruction. Quite yet inexplicably destructive,
Happening inside of me...
Something that I don't even understand why it should be there.

The water does not make me feel calm anymore.
The birds don't seem beautiful anymore.
And the train passing by, just seems like a distraction.
Its noise wanting to force me out of my shell that I want to go into.

The sun sets, I still sit there.. Realizing how much I hate sunsets..
And the darkness that it brings with it,
coz I know, somehow I can live through the day, but not these dark nights.
This darkness, it takes me to paths I don't like to take..
Paths full of fears and insecurities,
Paths which are scary, paths which make me realize my inadequacies,
Paths which remind me of the people who were once so close and now so far.
These paths, they bring tears,
Tears which are otherwise hidden and buried safety in the heart.
I feel a little calm as they come out. They were wanting to come out since quite sometime now.
I feel blank.. No emotions, No thoughts.
Just a want.
A want to live in this feeling for as much as I can.
I feel ME.

My phone rings.
'Next time I should keep my phone at home', I remind myself as I take it out of my pocket.
My room-mate worries about me on the call.
I tell her I will be home in 10 minutes.
I gather myself. Tuck away the tears. Force a smile and take the way back home..
Praying that somehow the darkness goes away..
I try to give birth to new hopes..
Thinking, tomorrow the sun will rise again,
and take away the darkness.
But for now,
its just another dark night.
And this too shall pass..